Drinking Spirits of Fear

I'm afraid of some kind of ridiculous things.  Whenever I walk across a bridge, I imagine slipping and falling off into the water below, or at least dropping an important object in on accident.  I am afraid of heights, to the point where I can't get more than two steps up on a ladder without being nervous.  Tiny bugs, especially ants, freak me out so much that I can't touch them or anything they've been on.  If I'm by myself late at night, I find myself constantly looking around corners and behind doors, worried that someone has managed to get into my apartment and is going to kill me.  Since I can't eat gluten, I am paranoid about my food getting contaminated, and even have dreams about accidentally eating some.  Fear is a strange, powerful thing.

Howard Thurman describes fear as "the safety device with which the oppressed surround themselves in order to give some measure of protection from complete nervous collapse."  We are conditioned to do this, using fear to keep us away from the possibility of pain or violence.  It's kind of like the illustration about Bambi that Thurman used, but I have to admit I don't remember much about that movie (I think the fact that my dad hunts deer might have played a part in that.)  In some cases that conditioning is probably healthy...I don't step out in the street in front of traffic because I'm afraid of the pain and violence associated with being hit by a car.  But the problem is, fear goes beyond what is useful and paralyzes us.  Sometimes I hesitate and let cars go by me because I'm afraid they might hit me, even though they're moving slowly and I'm at a crosswalk.  This kind of fear keeps me from doing a lot of other things, too.

I like Thruman's remedy for fear, although I admit it isn't always easy to remember.  "You-you are not slaves.  You are God's children."  These words, relayed to Thurman by his grandmother, reflect the truth that we as Christians and I in particular need to remember.  God is so much greater than anything I am afraid of.  Compared to God, those fears are powerless.  Instead of letting myself stay enslaved to my fear, I need to remind myself constantly of God's truth.  Maybe if I can convince myself, I can start convincing others.